So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
