Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
