She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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