normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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