i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
