That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
