I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
