Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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