we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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