at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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