A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
