Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
