If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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