Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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