it's too hot outside to masturbate.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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