what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
