I've blown a few things in my day
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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