I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You may now shotgun with the bride
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
