I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
