she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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