sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
