If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
