First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
