just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
