Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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