I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
