The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
