Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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