You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
