Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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