Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
