His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
