matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
two words...techno handjob
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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