So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
