so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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