There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
