Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you didnt know i had herpes?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i've created a new STD.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
