this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
