I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
