You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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