i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
