areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
