yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
