Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize