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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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