Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
