I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
