did you get engaged???
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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