Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
