Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
