I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
