I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
