Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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