I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
bring money and cleavage
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
