fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
